I STILL GLANCE

Sad,
Today I feel sad and I'm in sorrow. I can't find the reason of this. All I do is stare into space -- as if hoping for something to happen. Why am I hoping? Hoping doesn't get me anything, it pains me more and more having to wait for it and knowing it will never come. It is painful. I'm done with hoping. I want to stop hoping. I tried. I can't. Why can't I? ); Please just let me let go.

Confused,
But I am happy with where I am now...am I? Sometimes I say I'm happy but do I mean it? Happy means you are in joy the whole time and not sitting at a corner hoping a miracle would befall. I want to be happy. Somebody show me how. I may look happy to you but I'm not when I'm alone. Sometimes I feel nobody will be there for me. Just me -- solitary. I'm waiting. For what? I don't know. An angel to bring my frown upside down.

Promise,
There was this one time when I was heading to Melaka (or was it Terengganu?), I was overshadowed by a blanket of dark sky with clusters of bright shinning stars above me. I was on the dark highway and I never took my eyes of the sky. I told some people that 'whenever you think of me or miss me, just look at the sky, look at the stars, look at the moon. Each of it is special just shinning for you. When you remember me, look at it and pretend you're looking at me. Because I promise you, I will always look at the vast sky -- the same thing that you are looking at and it will just be like we are looking at each other.' Every night and this very night, I glance at the moon, wondering if anybody is looking back at me as I constantly look at it everyday -- missing. Do you even remember? Does anybody look at the night sky like I do? Will anybody ever?

Faith,
It's okay. Whatever it is, I'm grateful with whatever comes to my doorstep. I accept and try make the best out of it. I still have faith that I can be truly happy.