Monkey Love Made Billions Die

Very INTERESTING. Please read.

Last friday, I went to my bio tuition where the number of students has suddenly increased by multiples -.- And well, Mr Paul the Superhero taught us about the defense mechanism and immunity in our bodies and how it can prevent us from getting death threatening diseases. Well, in this session, we students learned a disturbing yet intesresting fact. Which has been sticking in my mind the two days, its so yuckish.

WHERE DOES HIV COME FROM? HOW COME IT SUDDENLY APPEARED FROM NOWHERE AND KILLING THE CRAP OUT OF PEOPLE?

Mr Paul the Superhero told us that HIV has existed, for a long time. It just didnt attack us beautiful human beings, it only infected monkeys. But God with his Al-Mighty powers has created the monkey with an immunity that it has antibodies and whatever in it to protect them from this disease. Im not saying that they are hebat gila or immortal to HIV. It is dangerous to them too but not fatal.

So, how come this disease that only attack monkeys boleh tiba2 melencong and spread-ed to us humans? NO, it doesnt have to do with darwin's theory that monkey revolved into humans and we're genetically related to them. NO NO, I think thats crap.

There is a scientific reason to this. HIV is transmitted through the transfer of body fluids like semen or blood. This happens when people share needles which are contaminated to inject drugs or have unprotrected sex. Got any clue yet. Yes, OH NO.

There was this stupid african guy who is predicted to have been bloody desperate. I assume he didnt have a partner ; woman or man. So, Mr Paul the Superhero said that this stupid stupid stupid african guy, had intercourse, with a monkey. A big hairy monkey. EEEYUCCKKKK ! Obviously, he didnt wear a condom so this monkey who coincidently had HIV had its fluid mixed with this stupid stupid african guy. So this guy got infected by this monkey and spread this disease to the world.

All because of this stupid guy had to make love with a monkey, the whole world is filled with people dying from HIV. Darn it, he's so stupid!

The Shit List

WARNING :
This entry might be too gross for you to handle. If you think you can still go to the lou the same way as you always do after reading this, then be my guest and have a great laugh with this list. Can you handle the poop?

P/S - Get puke bucket ready when ur guts starts to twist.

1. THE GHOST SHIT
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.

2. THE CLEAN SHIT
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there's no shit on the toilet paper.

3. THE WET SHIT
You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

4. THE SECOND WAVE SHIT
This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.

5. THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT
Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit". You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

6. THE CORN SHIT
No explanation necessary.

7. THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT
The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.

8. THE MOOD ENHANCER
This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.

9. THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD SHIT" SHIT
The kind where you want to shit, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.

10. THE WET CHEEKS SHIT
Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.

11. THE LIQUID SHIT
That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.

12. THE MEXICAN FOOD SHIT
A class all its own.

13. THE CROWD PLEASER
This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.

14. THE RITUAL
This shit occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.

15. THE GUINESS BOOK OF RECORDS SHIT
A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.

16. THE AFTERSHOCK SHIT
This shit has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.

17. THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" SHIT
This is any shit created in the presence of another person.

18. THE GROANER
A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.

19. THE FLOATER
Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to resurface after many flushings.

20. THE RANGER
A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.

21. THE PHANTOM SHIT
This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.

22. THE PEEK-A-BOO SHIT
Now you see it, now you don't. This shit is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.

23. THE BOMBSHELL
A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to shit (ie. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near shitting facilities.

24. THE SNAKE CHARMER
A long skinny shit which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless

25. THE BACK-TO-NATURE SHIT
This shit may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.

26.THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN SHIT
An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually CAN'T shit.

27. PREMEDITATED SHIT
Laxative induced. Doesn't count.

28. SHITZOPHERENIA
Fear of shitting - can be fatal!

29. ENERGIZER vs DURACELL SHIT
Also known as a "Still Going" shit.

30. THE POWER DUMP SHIT
The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done.

31. THE LIQUID PLUMBER SHIT
This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Shit.)

32. THE SPINAL TAP SHIT
The kind of shit that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.

33. THE PORRIDGE SHIT
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep going, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.

34. THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" SHIT
When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.

35. THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" SHIT
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.

36. THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" SHIT
Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gaggin and gasping for air.

37. THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURD STILL DANGLING THERE" SHIT
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place.

So boys and girls, next time u poop, reminisce on this entry and do categories ur poop for it is oh so interesting. Dont be grossed out. Everybody poops. Its normal.

---End of shit---

Being 17 Twice

Happy Birthday to Me,
Happy Birthday to Me,
Happy Birthday to Dahiyah following the Islamic calendarrr,
Happy Birthday to ME!

Yes, today is 19 Safar 1430, which is my bithday according to the takwim Islam. So technically we all have two birthdays and im oh so fortunate to know both! Woohoo im 17 ! :D

May Allah keep me in peace and bless my life and the lives of the people around me.

Muka Minah Ni Aje

A picture of you at the most unique environment:

Beloved Yemen, I will return.

A picture of you at the place you dislike:

Dont get me wrong, I adore playgrounds.
Its just this specific ride that nearly made me infertile.

Pictures of the people that mean a lot to you:

Penjunjung hati :)

A picture of you with your best smile

Without braces

With braces

A picture of you with the lamest pose:

Orang Muda edisi Titik-Titik Perjuangan.
Drama Merdeka 08. Handsome oh!

A picture of people that stands on top of your heart:
Dumb, dumberer and dumbererer.

A picture of you with some toys or cute stuff:

My boy toy :D A picture of you in white shirt: White shirt and black vest, counts right?
Random candid picture.

True Birthdate

After a long search in the internet,
I now know when is my birthday according to the islamic calendar,
And I'm proud to say that I was born on :

19 SAFAR 1413 :)

Blue Socks With Eyes

As most of you are concerned, i've been vacating from school for, a long time. My homeworks are pilling up like crazy and i havent done one of them (im serious). I've been so busy with sports. But no regrets whatsoever. You know, my thighs are totally toned now! I'm SOO SATISFIED :D

Tuesday :
My teacher informed me on monday night at 11pm that i have a match on tuesday. What does she think, im a robot? BZZZ im not. I was totally unprepared, n i had roller coasters and 100 plus for dinner! I had no energy to hit no balls. And plus, i was supposed to run for trial cross country. Ughh this teacher is so gelabah. So yeah I did go for badminton. There were 6 of us representing for singles. My category was u18. So I had to lawan this girl from SAMBES. The game was only until 30 points, and if somone reached point 15, we hve to change courts. So alhamdulillah I beated her 30-14. I was VERY satisfied *smirk* Then I had to bat with this girl form SSAAS. She was really pretty. But I wasnt distracted by that. Why would I anyway, yergh. It was easy beating her. I was leading by 21-2. Then she started crying and told the empire
"sayaa...sob2...taknak..sob2...main daaaaaaah..sob2..uwaaaa!"
I was like ummmmm okaaayy? So she forfit the game and I won and qualify to the next level. COOL.

Wednesday:
Now, doubles pulakk. My partner is Amira (form 4) which happens to have the exact same birthday as me! 18aug! Except that she's a year late that is. But we're like badminton twins. When we play, our goal is to lead by 18-8, which we did several times, and were totally excited about it. So our first game, we were supposed to compete with this indian and chinese but they were a no show. So we overwalked that one. Then we fought 2 chinese from ss17 and won 30-14. Oh we're good :D Then we beated budak2 puchong jaya b and left them with 30-12. And yes we qualified for quarter finals. I never thought my hand could bat man. Blame it on my dad's genes!

Thursday:
SUPER MEGA DILEMMA. I have both cross country and badminton singles and doubles. Both MSSD. Both on the same day. Both have been training my ass off. DILEMMA DILEMMA. My badminton teacher forbidded me to go for cross country, but I didnt give a damn and still went. Plus, my school is the tuan rumah. I cant let my school down! So I ran my heart out. Half of the track I could here my inner voice practically screaming "just stop and faint on the road! Im so tired" Seriously i really wanted to quit. But my friends were there to support me and i had my sport spirit so I ran gila gila. And I was so shocked that i actually got num14!! Oh gosh, all praise be to God :D And to make it better, I got 2 medals! The other one is gold for teamwork. Oh I was all grins that day. But somebody else had to take my prize for me because I terus shoot pergi badminton. I was too late to compete in the badminton singles so I was disqualified :( But I still had hope for doubles n i didnt wanna let my partner down. Firstly we competed with kinrara students and kicked their asses 21-8, 21-9. But we lost at thee semi finals by 21-12, 21-5. They deserved it anyway, they were good smashers. All in all, I was super duper satisfied.

Now I have my cross country family n badminton family alongside my netball family. Oh sports, you are part of my soul!

*Oh and for those three days, I wore blue ankle socks which had eyes on it. Goes with the title.
Lucky socks :)

My Frog Was A Mafia

Just another one of those nerd entries, reporting on daily issues on school. So, the moment all of me n my other nerd colleagues have been waiting for, frog disection! Oh btw, do not picture us as nerds wearing big round classes wearing long stokings and has braces (oops), we're COOL nerds. Ok, now it just occured to me it sounds lamer.

ANYWAYY, we were supposed to cut open these amphibians last year, but well, school will always be school. Delay, postponed hmph. But at last, yes, we got a chance to be "for 2-periods surgeons".

I heard some of us actually went out to their garden and catch wold frogs. I thought that was cool, more adventurous. But me and frogs, well, we dont get along very well. We simply cant relate to each other. It'll be croaking of its buccopharyngeal (is it?) and i'll be high up on the tree calling firemen to come save me. Each team has 4 people, disecting a frog. My friend, ting tong got our frog for free from the pet shop in front of her house. The thing is, she bought the frog a week before the disection. So she just kept the frog in the box to suffer without any provisions. Fair enough, it lived to face the day.

From left : Ker's enormous frog, our pretty frog, other group's small baby frogs

The soon-to-be doctors placed their frogs in jars. Ker, who had the biggest most bolupcious frog i've ever seen, accidently let the frog slip from his hands. As I said earlier, I would be the first one up on the table with her legs reaching up to the sky. My group had a pretty frog. Seriously, its skin was so nicely green, it should audition for animal planet. Pity, fate has come to its end for the frogs.

All of us watch the frogs being tortured in the jar after the teacher put chlorofoam in their jars. It was quite heart breaking seeing the frogs trying so hard to escape, knowing they will soon meet their doom. No matter. We do it in the name of science!

Us looking real cool in lab coats and all were ready to cut open our victims. And somehow, me and our frog got along really well! I wasnt at all geli but super excited. I did most of the cutting and enjoyed it a lot. The reason why I gave the title that our frog was a mafia, is because of its organs. Our frog's lungs were punctured. Kempis, penyek, leper. So I came with a conclusion that the frog was a heavy smoker. Its beautiful skin and piercing green eyes made it look like it came from a high end. So yeah, my frog the mafia :)

We cut the heart from the body and held the heart in our hands, and it was still pumping. It was so awesome, something to do with the muscles still functioning for the last few moments. And it cut off its butt bone for fun, I pulled its tongue back and forth and just ripping it up apart. Im not heartless, Im a bio student.

*grin*

Shoba and Syamin holding up their headless baby

Jambu Busuk

Haish Dahiyah,
Kau sibuk sangat beria-ria semalam,
Kau biar jambu sebelah kau tu busuk.

Nak busuk? Go on, stink. It was worth it :)