It Shall Haunt Till Judgement Day

You know, it was raya right? So all my relatives that has seen me tonnes of times every raya would ask the same question.

"Ahh, Aisyah berapa tahun dah?"
"Tujuh belas"
"Ohhh SPM lah ye!"
"Mmmhmm"

Everybody says that. I mean, everyone. Onced they've known that ur 17, the word SPM never fails to pop out as the first thing to be said. They'll all ask, oh dah ready? Dah dekat ye SPM! Yes Im pretty sure all us form fivers are quite aware of that. We think about it every single day. Ever think that we need a break from listening the letters 'S', 'P', and 'M'. I guess people just dont know how else to start a conversation. They normally go with :

Ur so tall!
U've gained weight!

Its always about appearance. Why are people so judgemental? It always have to do with physical, hishh. So anyway, SPM is practically stamped on each form fivers head. Its quite tiring, but at times engaging. I was so pening all the SPM questions, when we drove home, I actually saw a building called ; SPM SDN BHD.
I was like what? This thing definitely has controlled my mind. It was this recycling industry or something. But still, SPM is everywhere. And its coming.

After doing trials, all of us got this wake up call on how hard SPM is. All this while I thought, hey maybe it'll be okay. I've done the past years. They seem fine (yeah, because you looked at the answers dumbo). Trials was horrible. It was hard, really. I have no confidence in it whatsoever. Im doomed, doomed!

Everybody expects you to well in SPM. Everybody wants you to shoot for the stars. Its hard sometimes, to live up to everyone's expectation, that you dont realise the most important expectation is from you yourself.

So we all have to get in gear now, its a month away! And it won't be pretty!

Unveiling

Why is it that we often look at other people and wish that we're like them? "Oh wow, she's so cool, pretty and all the nice things in the world." Ugh, im tired of all this. Im tired, because why the hell am I feeling this way?

Its like I never feel that Im ever going to be good enough. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much it hurts, beauty still lays in the eye of the beholder. Either the person prefers the outer shell or the inner person.

I dont know. I just feel like expressing. I know whats the problem. Its the fact that I have to love myself. I mean it. We need to love ourselves to be able to carry ourselves well and be proud of what we are. But how come I dont sometimes,

Its like I want to satisfy everybody's needs by being this person or that, rather than thinking what I need. How come I still lack the confidence and Im still not comfortable with how I carry myself?

I want to not care how people look at me but at the same time be the best that I can for them -- and myself. I want my presence to comfort others and be able to interact with everybody, anybody.

So all I need is to love myself. Feel proud of the reflection on my mirror.

How do I do that?

Under Their Skin

I've learnt not to judge people by first few impressions anymore. We often look at people and find fault in them. I know, we're just human but so are they. Its becoming this awful trend to just look at the bad side of people. How come we have become so shallow? All we do is look at the surface when there's actually deeper within there are beautiful corals awaiting.

For a short time, i joined some friends at school in gossiping. You know, chit chat. But then it started to grow into conversations that judge people on how they look or how they act. And i thought the only way i could let them to like being around me, is to converse with them too. But well we have our wake up calls and i did get mine.

The phrase 'dont judge a book by its cover' is very true. We always look at people -- lets say, the way they dress. They wear mini skirts or tudung-less or 'seluar jepun' and then we let our mouth do the talking. We always judge. We should think before we say. Of course people might have waaay different values from us but who are we to judge? Just pray and hope people get faith. Because u never really know a person, not even your sister or your best friend.

Guinea Pig #1

Mr. D. He is very geekish, wear pants till his belly button, is in the behind classes. People often tease him of his weird ways. But if we take a moment to just look, he always wears a smile on his face and greets people. People might seem to see him as creepy but to him, he's just being friendly. Then why all the mockery? Then I went to the library to study and found the 'buku yang dipinjam di red spot'. And shocking enough, Mr. D always, and I mean the book is full with his name borrowing books like encyclopedias and informative books. I thought that was just amazing on how low people look at him but he is actually a person who yearns for general information and is just plain happy (:

Guinea Pig #2

Ms N. She is the loudest girl I have ever met. She goes to the same tuition as me and I've known her since last year. She has this piercing voice that disturbs the whole class. She is sometimes rude to the teacher and that upsets me n most of the students. I used to come back from tuition feeling angry and annoyed by her childish behaviour. Until this one day, I went to the mosque for terawih prayers. Sometimes I go to the BJ Surau. And I saw her. Everytime I go there. She plays with the children so nicely and i saw her soft side. Eventhough I thought she was crappy but just observe for a moment, try to see the better side of a person, and I did. And I prayed for her.

So there you have it. This is my perception of things. We observe people, but it doesnt mean they are wrong or right. They are different. We have to learn to stop saying 'i hate him/her' or 'ish tak suka lah' and practice saying 'oh he/she is just different' or 'pray that she/he would go to a better path'. Avoid thinking negatively. It corrodes our mind.

Its all in the matter of taking a better look and see it in a different perspective. Im sorry if i had said bad things about people truly I am. Im trying to instill this in myself and if i judge somebody, please stop me. It would be a good deed. Lets help each other, in the making of creating a better me and you.

Are You Grateful ?

Few days ago, me and my dad had the honour of ecorting an Iraqi woman and her daughter. We met them at Yemen, in fact (: The mother, Iman, had deep beautiful eyes and her daughter, Raghda, was as fair as snow white and amazingly pretty. As soon as we saw them at the airport, the mother came to me and said, 'Oh Aisyah, so you are the wife?' Oh memang pasrah hancur lebur hati. I have never thought somebody would think Im my dad's wife. Thats just wrongg. Its beecause the last time she saw me, I was in nikab so yeah u get the idea. Gosh, seriously, do I look like mak orang? -.-"

They both were fluent in English coz the mother was an english teacher. So, you guys must be wondering why they came n the first place. Well, it is for the sake of education. Their family lived in Iraq and because of the discrimination they received from the west, they couldnt bare the hard life there. So they had to run away to Yemen, in search of a blissful life. They lived there about 5 years and now Raghda is 23 and wants to further their studies. They came to Malaysia to search for a university for her to study in. And I pray, that she would get accepted in a university she wanted.

My point here is that they had to flee from their homeland, in search of a better life. And went half around the world to give education to their daughter to improve the lifestyle of her life and the generations after her -- and they have a tight budget. See what they have to go through in search of knowledge -- while we sit here relaxed, being blessed with knowledge that can be obtained by a snap of a finger. We should be grateful with everything we have. Dont ttake for granted what in served for you in a silver platter but make the best out of it. That is why we must we work hard and as we learn in agama - bersyukur dengan nikmat yang diberi dan memanfaatkannya ke arah jalan yang benar.

So take a moment to thank God for all the blessings that we get, syukur syukur (:

Thoughts With Wings

You know like in stories, where people always have their special places like deep in the woods or the attic or something like that. Well im pretty sure most of us do to.

Its a place where you can let ur thoughts fly, let your wildest imaginations roam the sky. Most people dont share it with others. Because its a place where u can be whoever u wanna be without anybody stopping u -- its all about you.

The special moments i have for myself are usually shared with the sky. I dont know, there's something about the sky, that soothes me in ways I cant describe. I love the contrasts of the sky. Its not like any other blue. The colour is somewhat very deep but see-through at the same time. Its like there's no ending to it. I always find time to have a good look at the vast blanket and let my thoughts fly. Because imagine, if your in a room, ur thoughts are blocked by the concrete ceiling -- feeling trapped. But outside, with the fresh air and the cotton clouds, my thoughts can fly up high, roaming around the blue shades. It has never failed to bring me at peace.

Speaking of the devil, stars too have been accompanying me through many journeys. I dream of dancing with the stars, absorbing the light that would shine my way to a great life. The beauty of the stars have always amused me. God is Great. He has created many wonders of the world for us to see his amazing powers. The stars are what makes me smile. I can look at them for ages, without feeling the slightest boredom. Not many people can experience this feeling. It has to be done with an open mind, an open heart. Its truly magical.

Still keeping up with the nature, next up is the ocean. Not the entire beach, but the ocean. The glittering shine of the water sends exhiliration up my spine. The special thing i like about oceans, is that when the sun lends its light to the surface of the deep sea, it sends a reflection whereby the ocean seems to sparkle. Its like the water is shining with glitters. Oh its breathtaking, truly it is.

A spot where a trees grows, bearing flowers of joy, beautifying the land. Its not a very strategic place, my special tree is. Its behind the school canteen believe it or not. I am the head biro for the so called "kawasan larangan" of the school. So during reccess, I have to go around the school and check if the premises are clear and bla bla bla. But behind the canteen, grows this amazing tree with beautiful flowers on it. N what makes it even more fascinating is that there are hundreds of butterflies fluttering around the tree. Its beautiful, i swear. N its a place i cherish after the stress of being a student. Like always, letting my thoughts be free.

So these places can be practically anywhere u want it to be. But the question is, is your mind open enough to create this whole other world? And if it is, your thoughts will definitely have wings.

This entry can only be meaningful to those who experience the same thing.

PAINT IT YOUR WAY

To be true, life is actually simple. It's us -- the livers of life that make it complicated. Your decision in life matters and counts. People are scared to be judged of what they are. The easiest way, they just go with the flow. So, what does it result in? I have a fridge magnet in my room. It says, 'life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself.' First things first, NO i do not have a fridge in my room haha it's a magnetic board. Second, yes I do agree with that saying. It's all about making your own identity. STAND OUT. Be different in your own way.

So how do we add colour into our life, make it colourful? The main thing is to be yourself. When I was a kid, I was myself. And I was happy with it. I mixed around with everybody, had time for myself and was nice to everyone. As I grew into my teenage years, I felt like a hypocrite. Agreeing other people's statement and putting aside my own opinion. All I wanted to do was fit in -- be accepted by everybody. I started to have my own group. But there was a problem. I wasn't myself. I was what other people wanted me to be. What am I? What am I becoming into? I became confused but I just went with the flow, too scared to make any changes.

After a series of challenges in life, I told myself 'No I can be different. All I need is a first step. Everybody fears change but hell with it, I want to be better.' I struggled trying, wanting to be who I was before. Now I fit in with everyone -- the old friends, the geniuses, the gossipers, the athletes, yeah I was one of each of them and just because I was me. But sometimes I see people better and me and I dream of having their confidence and style of approach. Then I came to realise to just stop wanting to be something I'm not. I am who I am for a reason. All I have to do is be better not be somebody else.

As in titanic, Make every second count. We have to make our lives worth every breath we take so we won't regret it one day. Think differently, uniquely. Turn our days into adventures and something to look forward to everyday. That's how we make it colourful. And that is through ourselves. Either we have the guts to do it. So make our lives fun, colourful and lets mark our existence in this world!